Dem Jewels
I got big ol’ fat balls. It gives me a bulge like I’m smuggling a baseball in my pants, and, honestly, it’s a nuisance.
I’ve actually tried writing this post a few times. It’s a first-world penis problem to have, and I didn’t want to come off as an asshole (I’ll try at least). It’s like, “Boo hoo. Poor little me. I have a fat cock and balls.” Nobody gives a shit. There are more important things to care about than me complaining about my junk.
But I want to vent, and it’s my website.
Note: This really isn’t intended to be a brag. It’s not a backdoor brag or a humblebrag. It’s just shit that I do in my day-to-day life because of what I was given through a combination of genetics, environment, and mostly pure, damn luck.
First things first, clothes. For the most part it’s fine. I do have a bulge in most pants and shorts, but there’s nothing to be done about that. I’ve never seen anyone give me any looks, and no one has said anything about it.
Underwear, on the other hand, was a problem for the longest time and still can be. Before I knew of pouch underwear, I spent years being horribly uncomfortable in regular underwear. I could never get everything sitting right, and I’d have to readjust without and hope no one would notice. My balls pushed everything forward, stretching out the leg holes. This caused two problems. It would open me up to excessive rubbing and heat rash right in that crease, and none of my underwear would last the whole year. I’d get 6 months in, and the elastic in the leg hole would be all loose and ill-fitting.
Fortunately, I did finally learn about pouch underwear, and they make a world of difference. As of this writing, I recommend Real Men Underwear. It’s kind of a silly name, and their marketing feels questionable. However, their underwear feels great, and they come in multiple pouch sizes and a wide range of waist sizes.
Back to problems. There’s also the issue of placement. When I’m not wearing pouch underwear (and sometimes even then), I have to be very careful about how I sit, how I lie, and where I put my legs. It’s always there and always in the way. I try hard not to manspread, but there’s a squishy baseball between my legs that gets in the way.
And if I’m not careful, I’ll sit on them or squash them. Which hurts surprisingly much. I have to regularly move them out of the position. I noticed recently that while I’m lying in bed, and even when I’m sleeping, I’m pulling them from between my legs or making sure I’m not lying on them.
There’s also the rubbing and the heat rashes. I have lotions and powders galore to make sure the skin is healthy and the area dry. That’s where having the correct underwear really shines. The rashes hurt like hell, and one of the easiest ways to protect the area is with the fabric preventing the skin from rubbing against each other.
Like I said, this is a first-world penis problem. It’s not ruining my life. It’s just a damn nuisance sometimes.